Lupe Fiasco & The Cool Kids @ Paradiso, Amsterdam

 

Kind of a late blogpost about the Lupe F concert on 4th of july . Pff well still imma post this one. ! ^^.

So its began with me forgetting my ticket and waiting till 10.10 pm outside till my friend whuz back on his scooter with my ticket. Finally got inside and the crowd went crazy when Lupe got on stage! 0.0 Omg. In real life that dude is so much cuter then on pictures 0.0 . Well shame on me , I am not a really diehard lupe fan, so when I stood there in the crowd I just bounced on some of the songs cuz I didnt knew every song that he was performing. Well i can tell you now. After the live show I like him so much better now. Like the songs he performed were good and I got the chance to see him perform life and listen to his music closely as everyone around was singing along to some of his songs.

Lupe Fiasco , he is a fucking good artist owkay! 0.0

He fell from stage during the song ‘Paris,Tokyo’ . That whuz hella funny, cuz he was so feeling that song that he lost concentration and just fell in the crowd xD. After the song was finished he whuz like :

‘Sometimes you gotta fall off stage’.

( at 1:06 you see him fall xD. THough he continues rapping 0.0 )

Anyhoe so after Lupe’s finish there was this break ( cuz the coolkids would perform 1 am. yes AM xD and lupe finished performing 11.45 pm) where this Dj whuz spinning oldskool music. It whuz fun! But when The Cool Kids came it was less powerfull as Lupe’s performance. It was disspointing. Cuz I think they are awesome rappers but they performed very weak. *snif snif* So that was that about The Cool Kids.

The Cool Kids performing ‘Gold and a Pager’ @ Pardiso

Pfff. What can I say more? After the cool kids there was this other Dj spinning music. House,hiphop music. It was mad fun.! I danced with adoehhh & Tya and has a blast! 0.0 (www.adoehhh.wordpress.com & www.myspace.com/adoehhhmusic) . I will keep you updated to my vacation a little bit more. Its now almost 10 pm and im tired 0.0! Keep checking my blog out owkay! Maybe I will start a new blog at wordpress under a different name and start vlogging xD . But im still not sure about that , we’ll see. [:

Now Bounce! ^^

A-L-C-O-H-O-L.

It’s vacation. I feel like I wanna start a fucking riot be rebellious and allow myself to get trashed for once. Bybye little voice in my head. I rememberd why it was fun . Boundery’s don’t excist in the world of getting trashed. Also does pain not excist. The perfect world I wanna enter right now. Just for once. Will you allow me?

Now I Rememberd Again [=

(( I guess , dedicated/inspired to and by you R.M.L.A ))

‘ you can turn it all those ways you want, you can try to just be friends, but it still will be a part of your relationship you had, he probably made you family so you couldn’t d0o anything, but why does he do that… he knew that you still had feelings for him, and he still had/has for you, you both probably were kinda seeking for a way to get you relation ship back, but now better.. withouth fights and stuff, and till now it didn’t worked out, but it’s gonna work out ‘

So i just finished of seeing the movie Sex and The City with my aunt & sister .[=

Boy oh boy oh boy. Did I get slapped in the face by the past? Guess I’m not so strong and confident now anymore huh?  I’m sorry. First I wanna say that. Torch my sister , ADOEHHH & Tya. I’m sorry for being so .. me. I just forgot i guess. How it felt . Liking somebody. ‘ Loving ‘ somebody. I guess I was afraid to say that instead of being fine , im not. Im not fine. I haven’t been fine since the past 3 months.

I admit. Of course i felt strong , but thats just because I wanted to ignore the pain. Because when you make the same mistakes all over again, and feel the same pain all over again you develope this wall. This armor that is the only thing you are sure of that will protect you against more pain. So when time flies by tears have shed and hearts have broken u start using that armor against the ones you love. You stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your mind. You stop thinking about the past and move on with the present.

But when do you realize you really made the right decision? When do you know you actually moved on? Do you still feel pain? Do you forget the whole drama situation happend? Are you sincere happy? Can you tell me , because I really dont know.

Here’s the thing. He hurt me. No correction, he broke my HEART. He broke my heart , pushed me away and pulled me back and promised me to be good and take good care of me , this time. I don’t get it. I always believed in fairytales. I always was the one screaming :

‘ When I grow up I wanna get married live happily ever after. I wanna fall in love ‘

I  was always on the side of love. Now i feel like im fighting it. I’m fighting that one thing I always believed in. One thing I always hoped I would have to when I grow up. Not even half way and already I feel like i gave up. I gave up on love because it turned its back on me. But I forget , that the ones that really loves me still giving me the same love that hurted me. I’ve changed. I din’t noticed but seeing someonelse believing in love that much just touched me. It rememberd me. How I used to was. The old me. The person that was always positive about love. The person that dreamed about love.

Am I a massochist? Do i really love to hurt myself over and over again? Or am i trying to hard. Is the past realy still clinging on that friendship we worked so hard for. Are the old feelings still there and is that the reason why we misscommunicate and fight so much? I don’t know , because we don’t talk to eachother. I really don’t know how he feels. Im tired. Just tired. Of loving him so much knowing it hurts inside. Knowing that still after all those years of happiness , joy , pain and tears I love him. That is the thing that scares me. That though I’m too young too understand, somewhere deep inside I know I truely LOVE him.

I just wish that the sky would be clear to be honest to eachother. I wish we got our old friendship back . Please , give me back my sanity and heal my broken heart. Please be honest and fix my broken heart because I can’t. Please heal my heart and let me be free.

Chibbie.

Bored Chibbie.

OMG OMG OMG!

“ IM BORED! xD “

no Okay , I just dont wanna make homework. Okay in 5 min I will shut off the computer and do my things for school. But for now. Uhmmm *think*. Here some photo’s of mine. I never show pictures of myself in a post. So here some pictures of myself

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Owkay. I have CKV at school. That means CULTURELE KUNSTZINNIGE VORMING. It has something to do with cultural stuff and shit and i found some awesome pictures men cuz I had an assignment to make a virtual museum on my computer. But lilke on WORD. But the pictures that I found for my museum are like mad cute! 0.0 *drewl*. Well im gonna post that tomorow kay? Cause im gonna take a really hot shower and start my homework before I get to tired to do it. T__T *sings* Welcome to the goodlife! [=

Love , Chibbie

Long Time No Singing -.-

So school and lots of stress. Just two weeks left till summervacation.  O MY GEE!! Because of all sorts of troubles and stupid things I left my passion for singing aside. 0.0 I did. I love singing with all my heart. Thats what I do when I’m sad or just bored.

” That’s Just What I Do“

Im now working on stretching and warming up my voice. God it sounds terrible. 0.0 It’s all stiff and not in shape anymore.  Two whole months no singing! =( If my camera was in the house right now I could put a clip with some singing here on wordpress. But my mom took it -.- Promise to let you guys here a little some of my singing skillz. Dont be harsh though! *blush* Im still working on it , the whole developping my own voice etc. Its so goddamn hard! 0.0 I dont take singing lessons , im learning it all by myself and of course with help of my dear friend ADOEHHH . But still.

“It’s hard withouth a person really KNOWING something about the whole vocal thing issue to learn all the stuff by yourself. I dont even know how to read notes 0.0“

* Sigh* it’s hard. Having stagefraight isn’t helping either to perform and let other people know that Im busy with the whole singing thing. I practice not alot anymore. With my mom having the baby and all. Today she was visiting grandma so I was alone for the afternoon. But that was it. I cant practice anywhere. Its frustrating. Singing is the only thing I really im passionate about. And now im holding myself back .

One : Loose stagefright

Two: Get more practice time

Three:  Try to play an instrument

Four:  Get a real vocaltrainer.

Then there is te whole songwriting thing. I hate cliche songs. I want to write songs that are MINE. You know, like the songs that you hear and think: HEY THAT IS … !  I want to write that kind of songs. But its hard without a beat. Therefore the whole learn how to play an instument.

” Because singing on selfmade beats is fun but having a real band playing your music. THAT’S HOTTER 0.0 * drewl*  “

Well we’ll see. Two weeks till summer vacation. Then I got loads of time to do what I gotta do with my vocal needs. =). Wish me luck though!

Love, Chibbie.

Inspiration * sigh*

Goodbye Past. Hello Future ^^

It Begins With:

O MY GEE! 0.0 I actually did it. Me, Chibbie Did it. I finally let go. ~! Got I never expected of myself to let go of him. =O  After being used , stomped , spit out and re-used again, I finally got my wake-up call. You know , it’s kinda like this. In your life there will be ALWAYS at least ONE person you have a weakness for. One person you from who you always know you gonna like and love. I had that person. (HAD; read and weap people HAD And after 2 long years being loved and tortured at the same time I finally had the balls to let go. BE PROUD! The dude wanted to “break-up” through a freaking textmessage. Come one which woman with enough self-respect would allow a man she always truely loved to do that to her? Nope. Not me. At least not anymore.

See , the thing is that we are talking about a person that you have a weakness for. That was him! And I woud do ANYTHING for him. But you know. When you fall you stand up and learn things so you can avoid the falling part. That’s what I did. That’s what I rememberd today. Today was MY day. The day when I thought to myself.

“Im not gonna put up with this anymore. It’s time to stand up for myself and let him know I’ve changed. Let him know that I’m not gonna put up with his behaviour anymore. Let him know that is TRUELY OVER!”

So I Did. I asked my friend to bring his stuff along ( I asked her to save it cuz i couldn’t bare to look at his stuff) so we could drop it off at his house. ( We would go after a movie after that. So therefore she was with me~!) So we met up at the station but she had the stuf stuffed in her bag. With all my sad-/madness I couldn’t stand it to give his stuff all neat and clean. So I walked to a foodstand and asked :

“I need a garbagebag. Do you have any?”

THEY DID! =D.*hihi* *blush* *LMAO* Stuffed the stuff there and walked torch his house. Well we didn’t wanted to walk ALL the way so textmessage that he had to come torch me so we would walk TOO eachother. Me and my friend were to tired to walk anyfurther so my friend took the garbagebag with his stuff in it and sat on it. So we sat there in the middle of the streets.

Ganguro style men. We are sitting the middle of the streets. xD

Yeah my dear friend ADOEHHH just felt quoting that crazy ass woman xD. But so yeah we sat there waiting till he showed up. Finally after a view minutes he showed up.  I thought I would break up in tears. Cause thats what I normally do when I got troubles with that guy. I mean , as stubborn as I was , even he did hurted me I still loved him as crazy. -.- We stood up , I pulled the bag underneath ADOEHHH’s Ass and gave it to him. He gave the present that I gave him for his B’day Back. ( This beautiful Tokidoki doll ADIOS 0.0 * drewl *) and he walked away. Well you know . I really felt strong cause I finally said clearly NO to him . No , for myself. To say NO because I felt like it was time to stand up for myself. Well but you know. Even though I felt strong I wanted him to know I’m really done with him. So i rememberd he wrote in one of his ”break-up” textmessages. ” Its for the better. For the both of us.” Well I really thought that was ALOT of BOULCRAP. So when he walked away with his all mad/sad really cranky face i really felt that that phrase really suited him at the moment. So I  said:

“It’s better. For the both of us~!=D”

So after that. Me and my best friend went to the movies had a blast and I went home. Yeah its now like 12.30 am here in Amsterdam. I jus got home And im happy. Im happy cause I don’t feel miserable at all. Cause I finally see clear now. I gave him a choise. Leave or stay, beacuse he was jumping in and out my life whenever he felt like doing it . And if you say :  I will stay . You dont expect a person to break up in a textmessage! Not to be all arrogant but come on. Im more worth then a fucking textmessage. =S I deserve more respect then that. ALOT more. Im not a wallflower. Im the flower whos standing in the middle STILL screaming for attention.  But if you gonna treat me even badder than a wallflower your not even worth my time.

“I’ll treat you with respect If i get the same respect back. If you don’t give me respect then your not gonna get any nice-treatment AT ALL~!”

So this song only cause I deserve to smile =)

Dude, I hope you learned your lesson. BECAUSE I SURE DID! =)

It Ends With:

Back To The Home Front.

So like i’ve already wrote. I was exhausted by this 2 year long going drama about something that i grew out of. I finally worked things straight. ~! Yeaah! Be proud. I mean damn, I’m just 15 and my mind is saying I skipped a few years between 15 and 25 withouth noticing and that my real age ain’t 15. =/ Hmm. Okay , so now I can finally do my thing. Focus on school~! ( Im typing it like its going all great at school or something xD ) No i’m so not doing great at school right now but lets skip that subject for a second xD.

So asian girl 15 year old here in Amsterdam, doing whut? Blogging for now though xD No okay i should just tell whut is on my mind right? Well, im just dying to get a new haircut . Dye my hair black, buy some new gear and then go to the Lupe Fiasco & The Cool Kids concert on 4th of july rocking it with my 2 best friends “ADOEHHH” & “TYA”  ( ” ” = THOSE ARE NICKNAMES!) BE ALL CRAZY AND STUFF 0.0 xD ahah No its gonna be mad fun! Pff but still 5 weeks till summervacation! AGRRrr ~! That is too long 0.0. Like 5 FUCKIN WEEKS! 0.0 But at least got some things too look forward too!

SUMMERVACATION! Yupyup , dang can finally chill with my friends without worrieying (« my english is crack let me be owkay T__T) about getting late at home and my mom would be screaming my ass and stuff xD. MUSIC ~! YEAAY! Finally LOADS of time to work on my singing and writing! 0.0 Omg . * drewl * Yeaaay! Im so happy. Can’t wait till summervacation. MAD FUN GUYS MAD FUN OWKAY! 0.0

So this laidback song just to get that summervibe xD

De La Soul - Me Myself And I

LOVE CHiBBiE~!

 

Sometimes I Just Get Tired.

“It’s Not The Fact That I Don’t Love You Anymore But I Gotta Break This Bad Habit”

Im such a stubborn girl. I don’t know but I feel just like this song. I just dont have the power and the sight so do it though. The Only question that is on my mind is : What Does He Want From Me?

Cause I can’t take it any longer if its gonna be like this. I just can’t and he’s too selfish to understand. ( Wow that rhymed 0.0) I don’t know these rules that I play with. No i dont. It’s time to do this shit my way. I’ve grown and learned from my mistakes so I know I don’t have to put up with this boulshit of his. I will tell him the truth. I will finally tell him how its gonna be. How it should be. How I am finally grown out of this shell of mine. I know what I want. But does he get that?

I dont know what to do with him. I only know that I am, if this is gonna continue…

Breaking This Bad Habit

“Have You Ever Loved Somebody So Much That You Was Just Too Blind To See?”

I HEART. ROBYN

Robyn (L)

bored in class =)

KiDSZ ; i whuz bored in class so wrote some shit down for you to read =)

Let kids be kids
i know you miss the feeling
so scared no chance to open the deal and
you stay with childisch play just
keepin it real but
you forget your mind is in a blur not sure
what the future holds, got nothing to learn
Ironicly all youngsters can’t wait to be older
Old people wish they were young you know thats
what i told you
Nothing beats time even though you spit rhymes
takin off some ages cuz you know that girl is fine
Takin out your skills cuz you wanna prove right
Takin out your anger don’t wanna hold it inside

ENJOY FUCKERSsz!

=)

LOVE CHiBBiE